The Rembis Report and Other Fascinating Topics - Volume LXI

My teeth are not what they used to be.

They are still pretty straight, but not near as white. Age and coffee have taken a toll. A toll I would rather not pay, but I have not stopped aging, and I really like coffee. I will see the dentist again tomorrow for another cleaning, and that will help. In the meantime, I invest in Crest Whitestrips.

Now, before you sign off, thinking I am pulling some product placement here, I'm not. They just happen to be relevant to the story. I'm not even sure if they work all that well. Sometimes I notice a difference. Other times I just blame bad lighting or my poor eyesight. As long as I am without tooth pain, I think that is the main thing.

A couple months ago, I grabbed a box of Whitestrips at the grocery store. It was an impulse buy. I had not whitened my teeth at home for a bit, so when I saw them on the shelf by the toothpaste, I picked up a box. When I got home there was an ad on TV for guess what? Crest Whitestrips. Quite a coincidence, right? Then a little later I got on the computer, and there was another ad on whatever page I clicked on for Crest Whitestrips.

Bigger coincidence.

Then, later that day, when I opened my email there was advertising in the inbox for - you guessed it - Crest Whitestrips! The coincidence just went from big to huge.

How? Why? Suddenly I had a coupon shoved in my face for a product I had just purchased. My options were do nothing - OR - Return the Whitestrips to the store and buy them again with the coupon and save a couple of bucks. The kicker was that I had already opened the box and started using them, so plan B was dead on arrival. Nothing to do but wonder.

How was it that all of a sudden, I was being bombarded with advertising for a product I don't buy too often, but just bought that day? Was the universe simply taunting me? Idiot! You could have used a coupon! Or was something more sinister at play?

Obviously, I had to consult an oracle. What better authority on all things weird, wonderful, and wild than your hairdresser? Not many.

Brittni told me "They're tracking you. It happened to another client of mine. It wasn't Whitestrips, but it was like one of those crazy off brand teas, like Kombucha or something. She got like a whole case and then she was flooded with advertising. They even hung stuff on her front door."

We bounced around the ideas of why the coupons showed up after purchase and landed on it possibly being some sort of mental reinforcement to confirm that had we made wise decisions. Considering all of the possibilities of being tracked needed to take into account that a credit or debit card had been swiped, and that some extremely sophisticated computer algorithm was at work, following me home, waiting to show me TV and computer ads in short succession. This still did not make sense because the purchase was already complete. If such a code existed, whoever wrote it did not account for how long it would take to use the Whitestrips. It wasn't like a bag of chips or tank of gas that I might purchase again in a few days. This box would last about two weeks and then a consumer like me would probably wait a few months before getting more. If at all, since I'm not sure if they work.

But there was another kicker. I paid cash.

Brittni amended her assessment. "Facial recognition. They knew what you bought and saw you through the camera on your computer."

This entire episode, as unlikely as it seems is entirely possible in a nightmare conspiracy theory. Facial recognition software, when used by a major retailer can find out exactly who you are if they want to. Cameras and the register record you at the checkout when using a credit or debit card and marry that information. They might have seen me one day weeks before I bought the dental care, when I neglected to pay cash, and put me in their database. They had my name and 16 digits to work with. That is enough information for a quick background check to find out my credit history and where I live. Not saying it happened, or was authorized, but it does appear to be entirely possible.

Armed with that information, a major retailer could work hand in hand with a major cable provider. With autonomy in place, the grocery could communicate digitally with the cable company and let them know when I was in the store and what I bought.

So, robots again, Mike?

Not exactly. Existing software programs, specifically designed for tracking, could know how close the store is to my home and when I may arrive at my front door. Or they could just wait for the TV to turn on. Programming individual households is possible. It is more likely with political ads, but don't count retailers out. If it makes sense for them to show me exactly what they want me to see, why not?

With all these dominoes in place it is not much of a stretch to stack more in all the places I am likely to go on the internet. Your internet service provider (ISP) knows what you are looking at.

If you think it is not a big deal for your internet provider to know you as well as they do, you may want to download this report from the Federal Trade Commission. Here is a snippet:

Several of the ISPs in our study promise consumers that they “will not sell your personal information,” providing an impression that their information will not be used or transferred for unanticipated purposes. Many of these ISPs give insufficient information to consumers regarding the myriad of ways that their data can be used, transferred, or monetized outside of selling it, often burying such disclosures in the fine print of their privacy policies. The privacy policies for several of the ISPs in our study reserve extremely broad rights as to how they will use consumer data, essentially permitting these ISPs to use consumer data for virtually any purpose. Although many of the ISPs in our study make promises not to sell consumers’ personal information, consumers may not understand the process through which these ISPs buy consumer information from data brokers, use it to infer additional information about them, categorize them into segments, and serve targeted ads to them on behalf of third parties. In addition, three of the ISPs in our study reserved the right to share their subscribers’ personal information with their parents and affiliates, which seems to undercut the promises not to sell personal information.

If I were the internet service provider, I am sure I could argue that there are no such things as unanticipated purposes. Surely, everyone may anticipate that their information may be compromised. We have all been warned about online security. Any website you visit may have malware that could upend your computer and let hackers steal your identity. So, we invest in anti-virus protection to block trackers and unwanted prying eyes from seeing pictures of our cats.

Then, there are cookies. Not tasty ones made with butter, sugar, flour, vanilla, and whatever else you want to bake in them. I mean computer cookies that track what you are doing on the internet. They help you get to pages you like faster and easier every time you visit so you can download more cat pictures with ease.

But what you may not know about are the new and improved supercookies that may be quietly baked into your favorite websites. Say you need toothpaste for your cat. A regular cookie keeps track of which websites you visit to find such things, so that once you find the cat toothpaste that meets your needs, you can get back to that site with less download time. Like a digital bookmark. It makes your shopping quick and easy.

Not so fast.

Supercookie technology is like a little Trojan horse that lets advertisers track you even when you switch sites. They can follow you around and see everything you see. In 2016 Verizon was fined $1.3 million for supercookies that broke net neutrality rules. You may have supercookies installed on your computer and not even know it.

The internet basically moves at light speed if you are wired with fiber optic cable. So, when you see an ad for Kitty Kat Tooth Whitener while you are looking at your favorite website that doesn't have anything to do with cats or teeth and see the same ads seconds later, popping up over and over again on sites that are strictly anti-cat and anti-teeth (I never visit those, but to each his own), this could be why. The code can be insidious and diabolical, and you can't get rid of it.

Ever wonder why your cable company incessantly advertises their cable service to you in spite of the fact that you already pay for it? One reason is cheerleading. Getting you to buy into their manufactured dominance in your life, to remind you that other cable services are a waste of your time. Others are there to remind you that small businesses you see advertising on their channels are locally owned Mom and Pop stores you should be supporting. They are your friends and neighbors.

That is the story each local ad pushes over and over again. You can trust them because they advertise with us, your local cable company, no matter how big we are, we don't forget the little guy. When you buy stuff from Mom and Pop, and they find out you saw their ad on local cable TV, guess what - the ads worked! Even if you would have gone to them anyway, once they hear you saw their ad on TV - Hallelujah! Cable TV advertising works! Mom and Pop may buy even more of it. They will do whatever they can to compete with the big chains before they have to put up the going out of business signs.

But you, the basic consumer who already knows exactly where you like to shop for Kitty Kat Tooth Whitener, probably won't stop in to see Mom and Pop, because you just bought what you needed at that place with the rewards program.

The psychological warfare in play for your dollars comes from all sides. Digital tracking and all of the possibilities that come with it have created grocery store discount cards. Some may still use cards, but those in my neighborhood that offer discount memberships allow you to punch your phone number into the card swipe at the register. It's simple. Only takes a second, and you see the discount on your receipt. (Remember receipts? Yes, Virginia, grocery stores still issue receipts.)

At first, I was briefly annoyed to complete a simple application form with my name, address, and phone number to get into the program, but I did it because it is the neighborhood store that is most convenient. If Mom and Pop had not closed, I might have gone to them. But I digress.

The discount card/phone number is not a huge thank you from the grocery store, who advertised Mom and Pop out of existence, it is a tracking device.

Are you sure, Mike? That sounds far-fetched.

It is not. They are tracking your purchases, logging every bit of information about what you buy, the time of day you shop, the frequency of how often you buy everything, and because you used your phone number, paying cash does nothing for your anonymity. If you are shopping with a smartphone in hand, you may be prompted to look at it while you shop through a technique called geofencing. Global positioning satellites (GPS) are tracking your every step and a savvy retailer will be alerted when you walk through the door. They can contact you with special offers if you have the right applications installed on your phone. (You probably do.)

You might even get a text with a link to a coupon for Kitty Kat Tooth Whitener that you can use at the automated checkout. Or you can wait in line for a checker who used to work over at Mom and Pop's.

It may even be Mom or Pop. So, please don't give those folks a hard time. They're just trying to do a job and they are not the ones tracking you. If you ever signed up for a discount or happen to live in the United States, you are doing it to yourself.

While the store where I paid cash for the Whitestrips was not one that uses phone numbers at checkout for a member discount, and I wasn't carrying a cell phone with me (because I don't carry mine into stores), it is a store I frequent several times a week. So, I should not be surprised that one of these tracking methods spotted me, and neither should you.

In the great scheme of things, it is no big deal for cameras and machines to know where you are. Fascinating that it is entirely possible, but nothing to worry about. The machines are just doing what they are programmed to do. They don't care what you are buying, they are just doing the automated task they were designed for; to remind you that you could have used a coupon.