The Rembis Report and Other Fascinating Topics - Volume LXXIV

It is that time of year again . . .

To enter the fray of rampant American holiday consumerism.

This weekend we are inundated with Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday, coming soon to an internet connection near you. There are tons of ways for you to spend money.

But will you? Must you?

What if you already have everything you need, like I do? I can't think of anything I really need to go out and get except for eggs. They are not gifts, they are breakfast.

Will you save more money by shopping whatever incredible deals are to be had right now, or by not shopping at all?

I have never been one to join that mad midnight rush to retail. I don't get a big kick out of rubbing elbows in stores and looking at gadgets. It is just not for me. But for many others it is a thrill to see what is new and acquire some absolutely must-have item.

Just like it is every year, this long weekend started off with the attempted mass extinction of turkeys to celebrate what some folks call Thanksgiving, while others, who may or may not shop for Black Friday deals call the following morning Native American Heritage Day. For me it was Thursday and Friday. I was not expected to attend work on these days, and neither was anyone else, so I tried to get into the spirit of the season and find a place to buy a Christmas tree.

I could easily get a fake one, made of aluminum and plastic, and it would last a good long time, folded up and stuffed into a box, and buried in the closet for 355 days a year. Or I could get a real one.

A fake tree doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I had one once, and after a couple years, it rusted. It smelled like plastic. It was not fun to decorate and just made me miss having a real tree.

In Montana, we would buy a tag from the Forest Service for five dollars to go and take a tree from Absarokee or Gallatin National Forests. Just like a hunter with a deer tag, we would go out and stand next to our quarry, take a picture, zip tie the tag on the trunk, chop it down, and haul it home. That felt like Christmas.

In Florida, we have seasonal lots where trees are hauled in from farms throughout the southeast, Appalachia, and as far away as Wisconsin. A few rare hearty Douglas firs like we found in the Rockies were to be had for around $500 each, but if you want something cheap (sorry - inexpensive) most scrawny little Charlie Brown rejects that grew up big enough to be considered okay will still run you well over $50.

The prices are basically outrageous. Seems like the average now is around $175 for a six-to-seven-foot tree. I am not paying that much. Because Christmas is just not worth that much. I might go $30 or $40, but -

Then you won't get a tree, Mike.

Just like I haven't for the past several years. I think it has been five years since I put up a tree.

I do not buy a tree every year. It is a chore to get the decorations out and set it up, but still, a fun chore. I like decorating the tree, but not enough to do it every year. And, by only participating every five years or so, I save four trees.

But do I? It is one thing to think that, quite another to figure out if not buying a tree actually makes an impact on the environment. Just like all the other things I don't buy, do I make an impact by not participating in the economic chain of consumerism?

I did not buy a tree yet. But I might. The thing that beats me every time is the economic rule of supply and demand. You can't fight it. If you want a tree in Florida, it is now considered a luxury that demands a high price. If you want it, you will pay. I guess people are paying hundreds of dollars because I saw them lining up with trees that I know were out of my price range. I can't relate. It is not just a matter of being thrifty, living in the past, and thinking to myself that a dead tree that I am going to toss to the curb in a few weeks should be cheaper. I just can't bring myself to spend what equates to a couple bags of groceries for a tree. If those trees are so valuable, keep them.

I understand that retailers need to make money, or they can't stay in business. But, sorry retailers, I just can't help you, not at that rate. People paying $175 for trees are barely supporting the tree farms they came from. Take a look at this wholesale price sheet. This guy's trees range from $13.50 to $54 depending on size and species. But to get that price you need to buy a whole bunch of trees and go up to Indiana and get them. And you need to make these deals months in advance.

For a Christmas tree lot there are a lot of dominoes to set up. The logistics, the truck, the location, the tent, the permits, the crew. It all adds up. You can't just double the price and make money. No way. Besides paying for all of the aforementioned, the trees themselves and tools to do the job, you also pay for a bunch of diesel fuel to move that stuff. That is what you are really paying for. The true cost of a Christmas tree is the carbon footprint.

Sure, they are going to plant a new tree, maybe even a few more at the tree farm it came from. But then, how much carbon dioxide is pumped into the air to haul those trees to Florida and get them set up in your living room?

We can figure it out.

Let's say you are an entrepreneur interested in being the guy with a tent on a vacant corner lot. Maybe you even know somebody with a lot, so they cut you a nice deal on the rent, since it is just for a couple of weeks, but you need to buy event insurance, just in case somebody loses a finger, or something. It happens. That kind of liability can run you a couple thousand. Then you need to make a deal with a freight company to haul your trees. You can fit 600-700 trees on a 53-foot semi-trailer. So, you make a deal with the tree farm for 600 trees averaging $25 each. That's $15,000. The truck is going to cost you around $2.50 a mile. That 1,000-mile haul is going to run you about $2,500 for the trip, plus a bit over $5.00 a gallon for diesel. A fully loaded truck is going to get around 6 miles per gallon, so add another $1,000 to your transportation costs. You also need to pay somebody to load and unload and set up the tent and put signs out, so your labor costs can get up there, maybe $5,000, altogether.

So, now you are about $25,000 deep in 600 trees that cost you $42 each. You have to sell half of them for $85 each just to make your money back. Pricing them out at an average of $175 each will gross $105,000, and if you sell every last one you will net $80,000. That is not too shabby for a couple weeks of work if one is so inclined, but what is the environmental cost?

If you use the Forest Landscape Restoration Carbon Storage Calculator from OneTreePlanted.org you will find that the 600 trees that live on roughly half a hectare will store over 200 tons of carbon dioxide (CO2) over 20 years. The average Christmas tree weighs 30 pounds. Hauling nine tons of Christmas trees 1,000 miles results in 1.5 tons of CO2 pushed into the atmosphere.

At this point you can calculate and argue all you want about how much CO2 is really getting used and what anybody can do about it. I used this EPA calculator and found out that 1.5 tons of CO2 is equivalent to the amount of carbon sequestered by 1.7 acres of U.S. forests in one year.

So, is getting all those trees over here and put up for sale worth it? For the person selling them, if they sell all or most, they will say yes, I am having a very merry Christmas, indeed. For the environment, if we do not plant more trees than we take, then no. Too much CO2 chokes our atmosphere and causes global temperatures to rise.

So, if you get a tree, plant a tree or two. If you buy a fake tree, plant a tree or two. No matter what you do, if you participate in the consumption of energy in any way this holiday season, do the right thing for the environment to offset your carbon footprint and plant a tree or two.

I still don't know if I will get a tree or not. It is just personal economics and my own mindset. If they were just selling them for $85, and not getting greedy, maybe I would feel better about supporting the hawkers.

I would like one. Something about five feet tall that smells like pine. If I am lucky, it will come with a live owl that has been hiding in the boughs and makes it all the way to my house before being discovered. Of course, I am going to feel guilty that we destroyed the owl's habitat, and have no mice to feed it, but I am sure it will be cute, and I could get a selfie with it.

Thanks for reading.

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