The Rembis Report And Other Fascinating Topics - Volume CXL

This is not a review. Nor is it a rebuke. It is an observation.

I am not looking for a house right now, but if I were, I would definitely approach properties with quite a different perspective than people I see on House Hunters.

I told you about watching that show before. I am not a fan, and I don’t hate it either. I don’t go out of my way to watch it, but if it happens to be on when I and my dear, sweet wife Ellen are having lunch, so be it. I will watch. I have to. If Ellen is watching it, that channel is not going to change.

The way people shop on that show is not the way I would shop. Not at all. Their priorities are whacked out. I am bound to come up with a laundry list of stuff I wouldn’t even care about by the end of this report, not in any particular ranking of priority, so I’ll just start with one of the biggest things that boggles my mind, that every home buyer seems to place the greatest value on.

Room for guests.

What? Are you kidding? The first thing I think when I hear somebody say they like to entertain, and need room for guests is, Why would anybody want to visit these people? Plus, I know from experience, almost nobody is ever going to come and visit. I can count on two hands, and have plenty of fingers left over, the number of times guests have stayed with us in the last twenty years. They don’t show up often, so buying a house focused on where guests are going to stay, is just kind of pointless.

But that’s what they do. Especially the first time home buyers, and surprisingly, the ones moving overseas. Yeah, we are moving 10,000 miles away to Australia and everybody is going to want to come and visit! Sure, everybody wants to visit Australia, but do they? And when they travel that far for a once in a lifetime vacation, it isn’t going to be to stay with these people, it will be to visit Australia. Some people might show up, sure, might even hang out for lunch, but for the most part, that extra room is going to become a big closet.

Sometimes they just want to entertain and throw parties. Fine. I get that, but many times, they are moving someplace where they don’t know anyone. Bravo on the optimism! People you don’t know are just dying to come over and see inside your house? Not really. Maybe after they get to know you, a few months, or a year down the road, but not right away. Lots of people base their entire decision around a kitchen being the centerpiece of community. As for myself, I don’t want anyone in there when I am cooking. They just get in the way. Go find another room and stay out. Take your drink and hors d'oeuvres and go.

Man caves, game rooms, and TVs over fireplaces.

There is an unusually high priority on how much time people plan to spend in their basements. Sometimes they are finished, ready for gaming action, sometimes not, but either way, this seems to be the one space everyone is looking for within the house. They want to know where they can hide. A place for calm respite.

What happened to all those parties they were planning? Humans are complex. They want it all. Solitude is as important as companionship. Put the TV right over the fireplace where everybody can see it. To me, that doesn’t make much sense. Ruining the view of the family hearth, which generally doesn’t even work in most of these places, with a TV that you crane your neck to look up at is poor design. Plus, is the heat from the fire good for your TV? I don’t know about that, but would guess not.

Lots of times, poor design rules, and they lap it up. People go crazy for steep circular staircases without banisters, and lofts with 80-degree vertical ladders, and they love it.

Once in a while, we see a logical shopper who points out absolute stupidity, like an overabundance of doors, above ground septic systems, or gathering pits in the middle of a room made with sharp-edged rocks. If you slip and fall, you may get cut and bleed out, so don’t go sleepwalking.

Another show that focuses on anomalies like these is the Ugliest House In America. Comedian Retta travels the country touring some of the most unusually designed and bizarre properties. Ellen and I have caught this one a few times. I am always surprised at what people have done with their homes. Indoor waterfalls, dungeons, endless taxidermy, it’s all out there, and it gets weirder than I thought it could.

Proximity to coffee shops.

This is a huge one. I am always amazed at the number of people who go out for coffee. I haven’t bought a brewed cup of coffee since I was on my last vacation, which is to be expected for a coffee drinker. When at home I brew my own. I don’t get how there are so many people who won’t brew their own coffee. It is simply not cost effective to buy brewed coffee every day.

Lots of stuff like that surprises me. It is not so much that I am frugal, but more of a do-it-yourselfer. Why doesn’t everyone just brew their own when at home?

Remodeling no matter what.

Yes, I brew my own coffee, and I fix stuff, too, but another thing that surprises me is how many people walk into a property with visions of changing it. They just want to tear it down and build it up again. Not everyone, though. Plenty of people want a place that is move-in ready. That’s me. I don’t even want to paint. Whatever color it is when I buy it - that’s good enough. I don’t care what color it is. But somehow, we always end up getting our house painted. Usually more than once.

Anyway, a great contingent of home buyers love knocking down walls. They talk about changing everything, and spending years on the project to get it just right. How are they ever going to get that TV room solitude they were looking for? Their out of town guests who are allegedly coming to visit don’t want to stay in a construction zone, either. They are also going to be surprised to find out that their friends are heading down the street for coffee, too. If they wanted a vacation like that they would have stayed in a motel.

I also hear people planning to blatantly ruin a property right from the start. Cutting down trees. Putting up fences - destroying flowerbeds for an addition, a pool, a garage - why not just buy a place that has all that?

Asking what the kids think.

Why? They are kids. You are paying their way. They get what they get, right? Think again, Boomer. Not anymore they don’t. They have input. Lots of times, kids are running the whole show. Looking at the equity for when Mom and Pop finally kick it. They don’t come out and say that, but you know, that’s what they’re thinking. How much can I sell this for?

Paying way too much.

This is basically across the board. You know, I already think everything costs too much. I find housing to be especially pricey most of the time. When I hear shoppers spending upwards of half a million dollars and not blinking, it just blows me away. I am not in that league, but lots of people are, so that is who the shows are for, I guess. Maybe I shouldn’t be watching.

A lot of factors go into buying a home, proximity to work and family are tops on the list for many. I always look at savings. What better deal, or other quality of life, could they get someplace else, if they would just move away from whatever they are trying to stay near? Everyone has different priorities, so moving to an entirely new place doesn’t make sense for everyone, but there are a lot of better deals in some places than others.

The link below takes you to 156 properties around the USA. I got the listings from Zillow a while back, did a bit of cutting and pasting, and posted them all on my website for your amusement. I hope you will take a look.

What surprised me most when I developed the list was the absolute disparity between what you get depending on location. In Kailua Kona, Hawaii, a million dollars fetches a 2 bed / 2 bath condo. In Louisiana, you can get a 40 acre pig farm. Maybe it was a chicken farm. It is off market now. In rural areas you can still find 200 acres for $400,000. Across the country, you can always find a house for $195,000.

It is reported daily that buying a house is getting harder than ever before. Multiple factors contribute, and demand steadily outweighs supply. I am surprised that most of the places on my list, that I wrote during November and December, are no longer for sale. It was a fun bit of research, maybe I will update it occasionally. While I would be happy with any of the houses for $195,000, I don’t think we are moving any time soon, anyway, but I admit, there are some really nice places to be had in the higher price brackets. That million dollar house in Connecticut really does it for me.

The question remains, who can afford that? More people than I think, I guess, because they get sold. Then, sometimes, those same places are available for rent.

Not everyone on House Hunters is a buyer. Plenty of renters out there, and it is getting tougher for these folks. I have focused on the USA in this report, because that is what I know, where I did my research, so I don’t want to compare rental rates to other countries. It would not be a fair comparison, apples to oranges, so to speak. But here at home, no matter where you go, rental prices are shockingly high.

Ask the Governor of Hawaii, Josh Green. In a press conference this week he blasted mainland property owners with rentals in Maui, where hundreds of people have been displaced by last year’s devastating wildfire that destroyed Lahaina, for charging outrageous rates, upwards of $3,600 a month for a tiny two-bedroom unit. It would cost a family $10,000 just to move in. Not many people can come up with that. I caught the recording on TV, but can’t find a video online. He said “Housing is at the core of our problems in the state of Hawaii. We have too many short-term rentals owned by too many individuals on the mainland, and it is bullshit. Our people deserve housing here.”

I don’t know if he is going to make any headway, but to combat the price gouging, he is threatening a moratorium on vacation rentals on Maui. The cheapest thing on Craigslist in Maui right now is $1,200 for a 300-square-foot studio apartment.

I count myself lucky that I don’t have to go look for a place to live right now. When I first struck out on my own when I was 18, I left home with $500 in my pocket. I would have probably done better if I had a thousand but that would have taken another couple of months to save. In 1982, having $1,000 was like having $3,000 today.

Imagine trying to set aside that kind of cash now. It’s not easy for folks to get a start on life with prices the way they are, that’s for sure. It’s barely enough for two months rent and a security deposit. And that is just about everywhere.

Not everybody can do it.

Thanks for reading.

If you are new to the Rembis Report and would like to read any of the previous issues, PLEASE CLICK HERE to access the archives. To read it from the beginning, PLEASE GET A COPY of The Rembis Report: An Observation.